ANONYMOUS Funny Status Messages

   not FDA approved yet

   wondering when will he ever learn the answer to lifes problems arent at the bottom of a bottle, theyre on facebook!!!!!

   allowed to talk about fight club

   chopping wood for the electric fireplace

   has decided that when I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car

   wondering why retarded people are blissful

   busy fighting all her other personalities Crazy, Neurotic, and Shy on who gets to write the status message today….to be continued

   didn't go to highschool, he went to school high

   he often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming.

   met this guy who said he loved children, then I found out he was on parole for it.

   Same Great Taste 40% Fewer Calories, 30% Less Fat.

   A Good Source Of Calcium.

   thinks nothing is better than pooing at work...you're getting paid to poo!

   not even supposed to be here today

   training for his fight with Apollo Creed

   having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think ive remembered this before.

   Celebrities walk on the red carpet because they're famous, I walk on toilet paper cuz I'm the sh**!

   a pocket full of sunshine.

   now understands, the reason he cant find his car keys is because he doesnt have a car.

   used to live in the real world but he got evicted