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Rumors are swirling that Bruce Jenner is in talks with Britney Spears to do a duet of the song I'm Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman 
Anyone know how many calories you burn an hour scrolling on Facebook?
If I owned a book store, I'd rename the Romance section "Fantasy", because common ladies....
If you've every seen someone try to put an old dollar bill into a vending machine, then you've pretty much seen my sex tape.
If you ever find me on my death bead, please take me off my death bed and put me in my alive bed.
Introverts like to have fun too, we just don't care if you know.
When pulling out the a nal beads, never say "And the winning powerball numbers are..."
The difference between fetish and felony is googling ahead of time.
“First time caller, long time listener”—Alexander Graham Bell
Come to think of it,,, I've never found a hair in my food at a Brazilian restaurant.
Does anyone know how to change the difficulty setting on getting the sex?
Tetris but one piece is shaped liked you and it doesn't fit anywhere.
We're told constantly to follow our dreams. Well, my dream is to thwart every single other human's dream. :HR Department
Beauty, brains or emotionally stable. You only get 2 guys so choose wisely!!
Go through a fast food drive thru. When they repeat your order back to you, say "And can I get that to go?" and enjoy the confused silence.
I wonder if women can hear the magnificent sounds of the symphony orchestra when their bra is removed...
Frankly auto correct,I'm getting tired of your shirt.
Actually, Jon Bon Jovi, it's Courtney that gave 'Love' a bad name
Called AA by mistake. Those drunks can't change a tire for sh*t.
Back in my day recess was where they sent us to play on a rusty death trap and now kids can't eat gluten. 