KIsstopher Funny Status Messages

   Tim Burton and Johnny Depp should probably start seeing other people.

   A British accent can make a conversation about Justin Bieber sound like they just fixed the economy.

   The liquor store is a great place to meet new friends.

   Nobody teaches volcanoes to erupt, tsunamis to rise, hurricanes to sway around, no one is taught how to choose a wife, natural disasters just happen!!!!!!

   Vodka...deleting memories since...uhh...

   I have a bad case of the mondays only it's everyday and it's called existence.

   I alway realise that they're crazy way too late in the game.

   We scream at each other, we don't have sex and I'm always in trouble for the crap I didn't do. This isn't a friendship. .This is a marriage!

   I can't even pronounce my safe word.

   I've been ignored by better.

   This Vodka says, everything will be okay. At least for a few hours.

   Ladies, it's football season. Time to dust off your vibrat0rs.

   Whatever doesn't kill you makes me angrier.

   She asked if I had any experience operating heavy equipment, there's smoke coming from her v@gina now.

   The day Rick Ross jumps into the crowd will be the day we find out who his LOYAL fans are.

   'You always make mistakes with your first one.' - True of children and marriages.

   Ladies; He may need a soft place to land when he falls, but it helps if that soft place is also tight and wet.

   This girl next to me in class has a piece of tape over her laptop webcam. This can only mean she's made some serious mistakes in her past.

   It's probably tough being black these days, having to memorize all those handshakes

   Whatever happened to that little girl from The Ring, did she grow up to be Kristen Stewart?