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I just saw a guy take a bite of Kit Kat bar without breaking it apart first! Sir, we have live in a society with rules, please adhere to them. 
being cremated is my last hope for a smoking hot body!
wondering if Sarah Palin can still see Russia from her house.
I hear Sarah Palin loves Honey Nut Cheerios.
One insomniac, two insomniacs, three insomniacs, let's count all the insomniacs on Facebook.....
Let's all be fair, I hope all Americans get to see Sarah Palin's High School diploma.
FACT: I prefer Dairy Queen Blizzards than hearing you constantly complain about how Monday's suck.
Did you ever notice when you push old people down the stairs they scramble to grab the railings???
The Patriots have been Decheated by Denver.
I find it ironic that Tom Brady looked so deflated after the loss to the Broncos.
I guess properly inflated balls really do make a difference. Who knew?
Will Smith should win an Academy Award for acting like Hollywood's held him back.
I don't know why it's necessary to get a glass dirty when wine tastes perfectly fine straight out of the bottle.
FACT: I prefer Dairy Queen Blizzards to Jonas blizzards.
still can't believe there are Obama supporters out there.
Snowstorm so white Jada Pinkett-Smith is boycotting it.
If you are thinking about getting married but are unsure, ask yourself "What would Jesus do?" Then remember that Jesus was never married.
Am I the only one who gets disappointed pulling up next to a Kia Soul and there isn't a hamster driving it. . .
The hardest thing I've ever done is uninstall Dota 2!
While drunk me would love to grab your butt...sober me would probably agree 