Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
*Leonardo Dicapreo goes up to accept oscar* *pulls out speech* *blows dust off of it* Yes I'd like to thank the directors of titanic for th- 
I'd like to give a shout out to those people born in 1932 who are celebrating their 21st birthday today!
I have to recharge my phone so often that I basically have a landline again.
I'm so happy Leonardo finally got an award, he was such a brilliant inventor and painter.
the good news is the doctor says I'm healthy as a horse, the bad news is she still uses large farm animals to describe me....
Shoutout to this ATM fee for making me buy my own money
Leonardo.....Fk yaaaa....atlast.......congratzz
Survival Tip: if your wife cooks up "a mess of bacon" and puts it in the fridge, she has a plan. Do not make yourself an epic sandwich.
Boobs don't define a woman, but they start the bidding.
I'm beginning to think my type is just a font. . .
A nap is a nap if you take your pants off.
I put mirrors on the ceiling because I like to see how I look when I'm eating pizza alone.
After seeing Stephanie, I see why it's called "Fuller House"!
When a girl says she cares more about what's inside a guy she means what's inside his wallet...
What does a grape say when it gets stepped on?...Nothing, it just lets out a little wine.
Ummm,,, So when you see a gift horse... Where exactly should you be looking???
If Nutella & marshmallow fluff made sweet sweet love & had a baby,,, I would eat that baby.. The End.
If a girl pulls out a knife on you during a fight, pull out some bread & mayo. Her woman instincts will kick in & she'll make you a sandwich
An estimated 26.2 percent of Americans suffer from a diagnosable mental disorder. This figure translates to 57.7 million people. When they count Hillary's votes and they total 57.7 million don't say that I didn't call that...
Why the hell should I have to opt out of something I never opted in? Why should I have to unsubscribe from something I never subscribed to in the first place. This is how serial killers are born. 