aaron Funny Status Messages

   When you get home this evening, surprise your family by kicking the door in.

   Intelligence is like underwear. It's important that you have it but there's no need to show it off.

   Never ask for directions from a starfish.

   Yes I walked away mid-conversation. You were boring me to death and my survival instincts kicked in

   I rate that sharks circle before attacking because humans taste better without sh*t in them.

   Why doesn't someone invent a clear toaster? Then you could see how toasted your toast is while it's toasting.

   Honey I Shrunk The Kids And The Dog Has Worms So I Put The Kids In His Bum And Gave Them Knives To Go Worm Hunting

   Homeless people have been known to step outside the box.

   Harry Potter and the Soul Crushing Responsibility of Adulthood.

   I need ten well behaved cats and ten cat sized business suits.

   I asked a cow if it had a beef with me. We both laughed and laughed and then I ate it.

   When I give a new girl the tour of my place I like to open the basement door while whispering "thaaats where the maaaagic happens..."

   I wonder how many 5 Hour Energy's it would take to levitate?

   haha this is so sweet.. apparently you can use your imagination to travel to diff. times/places. grounded my ass.

   you can't let me into the club? Maybe my friend Benjamin Franklin can persuade you… *comes back 45 mins later in a bad wig, holding a kite*

   I do not acknowledge the authority of this food court.

   Dyslexia killed my dog. Vegetarians don't know the first thing about animal surgery.

   In a public restroom I found a sign that read "THINK" on the mirror above the sink so I labelled the soap dispenser "THOAP" to match with it

   My car broke down today. It confessed to a series of hit-and-run murders back in 2006.

   People who spread their germs make me sick.