Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

   Men, if the Royal wedding has taught you one thing: Going bald doesn't matter as long as you own a Palace.

   Have they invented a cure for morning people yet?

   In honor of those who would if they could… I'm going back to bed.

   Right now, millions of people are mourning the fact that their President was born in this country.

   Sometimes I text my mom just because the thought of her staring puzzled at her phone trying to find her texts is difficult to resist.

   Problem: Always get stuck next to obnoxious drunk guy on plane. Solution: Be obnoxious drunk guy on plane.

   I must say you really have a open mind... and a mouth to match.

   Troubles keep me interested in my life :)

   If State Farm were such a good neighbor they'd come over and pick up all the dog crap in my yard.

   Hey, this Facebook thingy is WAY more fun than talking to each other!

   Who invented the brush they put next to the toilet? That thing hurts! :(

   I can't stand it if I'm excluded from an activity even if I have no intention of going and don't like those who are.

   If my number of Facebook friends drops, I just assume someone died.

   Tell a girl a million times shes not fat... She'll never believe you... Call her fat once she'll never forget it.

   The iPhone checks my Facebook, checks my email, organizes my music, calls my Mom, and now it tracks my whereabouts? It's like having a jealous psycho girlfriend in your pocket.

   I'm glad Facebook will never tell you, "Not tonight I have a headache!"

   Enjoy the little things in life, because one day, you'll look back and realize that they were actually big things.

   I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

   I would rather have a cure for the common hangover than the common cold.

   When the hell did I get drunk and married to Google? I can barely get a word out now before it tries to finish my sentence...