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Wife: You realize it's not Guinness Book of Whirl Records... [Me spinning furiously in an office chair]: Says you. 
Rejected Olympic Events: Javelin Catch... Jello Shotput... Border Fencing... Cardboard Boxing... Menstrual Cycling... Salad Tossing... Wrestling Demons...
I.S.I.S says if America elects Hillary the will donate $2 million to the Clinton Foundation and have Bill speak at their next function for another million.
IS says is America elects Hillary the will donate $2 million to the Clinton Foundation and have Bill speak at their next function for another million.
Any man believes in freedom of speech at least for themselves.
There is something I really like about women's beach volleyball but I can't put my finger on it.
Hillary wears them long pant suits because she dosent have the typical "Camel Toe". She has what some people call "Moose Foot"
Shoutout to the American voters for narrowing our options down to the jerk from 'The Apprentice' and the inspiration for 'House of Cards'
Hope Solo should have the "Shut the Hell Up" special for dinner tonight.
My debit card isn't the only thing I wanna tap tonight.
I haven't seen one medal awarded at the Olympics for participation.
If you mean Elmer Fudd singing "Kill the Wabbit", then yes, I do like Opera.
I'm going paperless at home but it's presenting a real problem in the bathroom.
If I ask my mom to take a picture of me with my phone there is a 99% chance it will be a video of me yelling "It's the button on the left!"
.... You're offended? ...... Well .... How does it feel to be so weak that words can hurt you?
Han Solo is apparently quite distraught that his granddaughter Hope didn't stop that last shot.
I hope the guy who invented speed bumps dies waiting on an ambulance.
The night before the 1st day of school is just like Christmas Eve for parents
It's so hot outside I attended a Hillary Clinton rally just to be next to something shady.
The Democratic and Republican parties that we once knew no longer exist. Extremists to the left of me, control freaks to the right, here I am stuck in the middle with broads. 