Jitney Funny Status Messages

   Epidemic: Girls who have really good male best friends, but claims they have no man!

   I think I'm emotionally constipated cuz I haven't been given a SHhhhit in days!

   I hate when people pour my cereal. They don't know how much I want! They don't know my life! They don't know what I've been through!!!

   it me, or Monday comes around and your sleepy throughout most of the workday, but after what feels like 5-hours in rushhour traffic, you have enough energy for a Party with free drinks?

   The wrong time to have a seizure is probably during a Harlem Shake Video.

   In Miami: We had a great winter season lastnight, can't wait 'til next year.

   Just saw A good day to die hard" movie. and its like tthey just took the Benz logo and stuck it on every vehicle they cud find, including a tank!

   I'm going to shut off my phone round 9pm just to not get and avoid any desperate last minute chicks

   What did one Party fish say to the another party fish....."This Carnival is stinking up the sea"

   For those girls who aint shaved.......I'm perfecting a new perfume called "Forever Alone".... It smells like Carnival Cruise Line on Fire!

   Im designing a New perfume for all the girls who forgot to shave, It's called "Forever Alone"......... It smells like a Cruise ship on fire at sea!

   Please stop saying "My Valentine is my child." or "Jesus is my Valentine." Unfortunately, they don't count as real Valentine's.

   Don't you hate it when Ur girl or wife ask you life questions while you watching a important game # biiioootch ask Steve Harvey

   I just heard Beyonce might come back out on the field and sing, "♫♪♫ Can you pay yo Bills?, Yo Stadium Bills....♫♪♫ "

   Someone's voodoo doll is finally working for the 49ers! Nice break

   If this aint the most ghetto-est NFL Superbowl ever.....

   There will be a huge demand on all European hair this week! So buy stock and shares in hair!

   Need to stop drinking this....its like 50 million Beyonces on the stage all of a sudden......

   So your neighbors having 3pm afternoon sex next door loud, and your best solution is turning up your porn louder to send them a msg?

   This new bank app I have sends me suspicious activity alert for just about anything.....*alert* someone paid off a light bill, *alert* someone opened a bar tab, *alert* you've overpaid the stripper