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It's not the people who vote that counts, it's the people who count the votes! 
Broke me would like to thank the rich me that had the foresight to stock enough beer that I am now drinking.
"America Online founder Steve Case actually endorsed Hillary Clinton for president. However, I Bet the last thing Hillary Clinton wants to hear right now is ........ "You've got mail."
The US Treasury is already talking about putting Hillary's face on the American $20 bill. Question: Wouldn't it be much more fitting that her likeness be put on the $3 Bill?
FACT CHECK: Hillary Said 90% of Clinton Foundation Donations go to Charity. Actual Number? ONLY 5.7% goes towards actually helping people.
Who won the third Presidential Debate? Well that's easy, anyone who didn't watch it.
After she loses the presidency, maybe on Hillary's next trip to the Middle East someone there will chop her head off. . .
Hillary's power suit was white ... but you can't call it a white power suit.
Madonna's actual offer, since her affair with A-Rod, is "Free Herpes to everyone who votes for Hillary!"
Ironically, Madonna's offer to Hillary Voters was the same one Amy Schumer made to her producers to get her comedy show in the first place.
Hillary whinning that Russian hackers are leaking the truth about her rigging the election................
I am all for self-inflicted Democrat genocide. That is why I am pro-choice. Do we really want more sniveling liberals?
"When we went to Mexico, he didn't even bring up the "wall" he choked!" -Hillary
I get a real kick out of people who drive a mile in their car to run a mile on a treadmill.
I woke up early this morning with the strange desire to get up and exercise. Fortunately I rolled over and closed my eyes really tight and the feeling went away.
I was going to dress as an evil witch for halloween but I didn't want to be mistaken as Hillary
Let's disagree to agree. That's my motto.
How long can I stay in a voting booth and scream "I'M STILL THINKING!!!!" before I'm physically removed? Let me know by November.
What this country needs is more gum control. I'm getting pretty damn tired of sticky wads getting stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Props to Jon Bon Jovi for continuing to keep up with the hairstyles of women his age. 