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Anyone else wanna go out for next Halloween as "Narcissistic Introverts with Alcohol and Drug Dependencies coupled with Porn Addictions" ........... or is it just going to be Me again ? 
Hey Hillary, How does it feel like to be aborted 5 days before delivery?
Remember on Saturday night to set you clocks back an hour and then on Tuesday, not to set the country back 50 years. .....
Bad Politicians are elected by Good People who DON'T VOTE!
Had a few laughs with the boss today. I still hate is guts though.
Tired of those Political Ads on television?...... You may be entitled to compensation.
Animals are our friends, but they won't pick you up at the airport
There was a time when I, you know, wouldn't go "down" there...I suggested my girl trim it into a dinosaur shape. That's how my parents got me to eat chicken.
People wonder what happened to rock n roll. I'll tell you. It's now made by computers with no talent people who talk, not sing over the song, or others who over-sing and think The Voice exemplifies what singing should be.
Next year i'm definitely going to do the Haunted Mill run because if you say it with a strong accent it sounds like you're saying "hundred mile run"
Just bought a thesaurus at Goodwill, I got home to discover all the pages are blank, I have no words to describe how angry I am...
Hillary's poll numbers are dropping faster than Bill Clinton's pants in an Arkansas trailer park
The cone of silence. The secret square. The inner circle. Just what the heck is geometry hiding?
Only 364 more days until Halloween!! I know, I know. I can't wait either.
Pumpkin for sale. Slightly used
Can you imagine the pressure Morgan Freeman's mom felt reading him a bedtime story?
One small step for man... One giant leap for Danny DeVito.
I have an app the reminds me when my garage door is open. Now if I can get one the reminds me when my fly is...
Let's face it. If we exist, it means we come from a long line of f**kers.
If this rotting pumpkin of a man said or did any of this to your wife, mother, daughter you'd do all you could to stop him, right? #Vote 