StonerDudee Funny Status Messages

   Holy shit, I just found out time travel is possible. You can go to 2004 by just following this link: www.myspace.com

   I see subway employees are still having their "how much lettuce can you fit on a sandwich" contest.

   Really offended these microwave instructions told me to turn my burrito over gently, like I don't treat every burrito with the utmost respec

   I like clothing that has little hidden pockets. It's like they made it knowing I was going to put my weed in there.

   How many weight watchers points are pot brownies?

   People that are against smoking pot are the ones that need it the most..

   If your drug dealer is always on time, he's a cop

   I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest the thing she had ever laid her hands on. I said, "You're pulling my leg."

   I don't have instagram, so I thought you guys should know I had Starbucks this morning. The cup was super cool looking. I also saw a rainbow

   The ONLY thing I miss about being a teenager is being able to legally punch other teenagers.

   If the way you talk to someone isn't the same as the way you talk about them, perhaps you should do neither

   Sure, you can sit next me. The other 123 empty chairs in this movie theatre probably suck anyways

   I wish all videos of people twerking ended with them catching on fire.

   10 year old girls are crying because they broke up with their boyfriend. When I was 10 I cried because I missed the morning cartoons.

   Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll be really far away from me with your motivational nonsense

   People assume I'm smart when they see my glasses case. Then they see that I use it to store a Twix bar and they recognize my true genius.

   Never leave something good to find something better, because once you realize you had the best, the best has found better.

   Gas stations should have happy hour

   It's hilarious when textbooks try too hard at being racially diverse. "Brad, Latisha, Pablo and Kwan were doing a math problem..."

   I prefer products that say virgin on it, like extra virgin olive oil, cause I don't want to buy a slutty oil made from slut olives.