~heZz~ Funny Status Messages

   just opened a store next to 'Forever 21', called 'Finally 22'

   I can remember when he was just Lieutenant Tso...when nobody respected his meat..

   I'd rather shower with my parents than go shopping on Black Friday...

   Vegas has the Ravens as a 9.5 point underdog against the Pats but the Ravens are a 3 body favorite in possible murders.

   Happy Mamacita's Day to all the Senoritas who played for keeps

   Storms can be scary to kids, so I tell my son that thunder is God beating Jesus because he "forgot" to put his toys away.

   On my way to the kid's school... apparently, a nicotine patch is not an appropriate substitute for a band-aid.

   Hey Girl Scouts, let mom handle my cookie transaction. I don't have all day to watch you practice math..

   I'm really starting to get concerned about the lack of seatbelt use on the bangbus..

   The English language is the easiest to learn because even if you get it wrong, so do most of the natives

   It only took Kim Kardashian 72 days to realize that Kris Humphries wasn't black

   Right now what Lindsay Lohan needs more than anything is our caring and understanding. And just a little bit of cocaine if possible.

   If you had asked me a year ago, “what do think is more important, the Cheese or the Cracker?” I would have said “Cheese”, all day…But now, I've come to the realization, that the cracker plays an equally pivotal roll for this prominent combinat

   Mayonnaise is now the largest ethnic group in the southern United States.

   So what happened?? Did London just find out about the Rodney King verdict

   The sad reality is, after 16 & Pregnant, Teen Mom and Jersey Shore, "Milf-Murder Acquittals" was probably going to be the next MTV hit anyways..

   Life is all about ideas and who has the better one..

   I just came up with a new reality show. It's called "Pushing the Kardashians Into Oncoming Traffic." One episode is all you'll need....

   "I like my popcorn a little burnt". No, you don't. You just suck at making popcorn

   But, officer, that school zone pulled out right in front of me!!