g0re Funny Status Messages

   If anybody is interested in a job where you sit and drink beer, 3 hours a day, 2 days a week, for $8000 a week, contact me. We can look together.

   Don't be selfish with your prayers.

   Am I the only one that when somebody says "10 years ago", thinks about 90's instead of 2002?

   Admit it, When your were little and you swallowed a fruit seed you were scared to death a tree was going to grow in your tummy.

   go into a crowded room, shout, "HOW COULD YOU CHEAT ON ME?" whoever turns around and answers is a bad person.

   I can just imagine a conversation between Mike Jones and an owl...

   3am text message "Hey are you asleep?" No I'm scuba diving, what the hell do you want?

   "You actually have friends?" ... "Yeah, all 10 seasons on DVD!"

   Time to photoshop my life Touch up the edges, adjust the tones,blur out the background, focus on me, and crop people out...

   people ask me why I don't have any tattoos I tell em " would you put a bumper sticker on your ferrari?

   The planet Saturn = 7 rings, Michael Jordan = 6 rings, Kobe Bryant = 5 rings, LeBron James........... Just a headband

   Walking out of a store after not buying anything and thinking, "try not to act like a criminal, try not to act like a criminal."

   Brb = looking for an excuse to stop talking to you

   not to be rude but, I really don't care.. like, at all.

   "I wasn't that high!" "Dude, you walked into class, late, sat down & tried to put your seatbelt on."

   Today I saw a homeless man holding a sign that said "why live in a $100k home when I can live under a 3 million dollar bridge?"

   Dwayne Wade n Chris Bosh both took cpr classes this summer... just incase Lebron decides to choke again this year.

   Today I changed my name in my dads phone to God and when he swore I texted him saying "I HEARD THAT!" The look on his face; priceless.

   "I wasnt that drunk.." ... "bro you threw my parrot into a wall screaming "ANGRY BIRDS! " @___@

   please ignore this status, I am standing in public alone and I don't want to seem like a total loner, so I am making it look like I am textin