ef Funny Status Messages

   Look on the bright side Redskin fans...Anything is possible and maybe the Rams will trade three 1st round picks back for RGIII. ;)

   There is a special place in Hell for people that pass memes off as their own

   I went out to a "Soul Food" restaurant for dinner last night. My waiter was African-American and put my food down in front of another white guy who looked nothing like me. I get it now..........Wait, oh sorry, that's not my waiter

   I still haven't been able to deal with the fact that Jessica Simpson has had two children and didn't name either one "Homer"

   Breaking News!!! It is okay to "NOT" get in a debate on a Facebook status if you really have no idea what you are talking about. You can just move on to a cat picture or something you understand and comment on that..

   I'm working on my 2014 New Year's Resolutions List 1. On January 1st, "Express order" workout equipment. 2. January 2nd workout with new equipment 3. January 3rd "Place Ad to sell workout equipment at 1/2 price"

   I don't know about you but I'm that guy who will strike up a conversation with you while waiting in a long line.Tell a joke to all the people standing there to change their day and mine also. I enjoy people..... and life is too short!

   All I want for Christmas is NO MORE GAME REQUESTS!!! Thank you!!

   Dear Santa....I've been good for the last hour

   I prefer to use the bathroom naked w/ the door wide open. Sorry if this interferes with your idea of a "safe & fun work environment" Kathy.

   When is Dennis Rodman going to realize that he will be executed as soon as the North Korean basketball team he is training loses their first game???

   Have you noticed that it's only the married squirrels that hurl themselves in front of your car......

   I don't know why Coca-Cola and Pepsi are fighting over what Santa drinks, everybody knows that big fat belly can only come from beer.

   One thing awesome about my childhood was being able to play with a 'toy' gun without the authorities getting involved.

   Right now a FedEx driver is dropkicking your Christmas gift onto someone's front porch.

   A&E has just announced the replacement show for Duck Dynasty the new show will be Dyke Dynasty.

   I have this great midnight snack it's called, what do I think my roommate won't notice if I eat the edges off of

   The Scariest Horror Movies of All Time 1. The Exorcist 2. Psycho 3. The View on ABC

   The Dr. who had examined my wife when she was rushed to the Emergency Room, pulled me aside and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.' I said 'Me neither doc,' ......'But she's a great cook and good with the kids.'

   I bought a Christmas tree today and the guy asked me 'Will you be putting it up yourself?' I told him, 'No, you sicko, it's going in the living room!'