Equaloppjoker Funny Status Messages

   I ain't voting for Monica Lewinskys ex-boyfriends wife.

   Everytime I see someone wearing camo, I run right into them. The I apologize profusely, claiming that I "didn't see them"

   My pet rock didn't wake up this this morning....gonna have to bury it.

   I'm in therapy to learn how to deal with people who should be in therapy

   When you play Seattle, you play the whole state!

   I tried to take a photo of a huge bug in my bathroom, but when I put a coin next to it for scale IT TOOK THE COIN AND PUT IT IN ITS WALLET.

   Sex is great, but.....HAVE YOU EVER HAD STUFFED CRUST PIZZA?!?!

   Just got home and found all the doors and windows open everything gone! What kind of person does that to someones Advent calender?

   An elderly woman at an ATM asked me to help her check her balance. So I pushed her over....yep she needs a walker!

   When wearing a baseball cap a BRO may position the brim at either 12 or 6 oclock. All other positions are reserved for rappers and the handicapped.

   I was addicted to the Hokey Pokey, but I turned myself around.

   I dont care one Iota about leaving a better planet for our kids. I think we should be focused on leaving better kids for our planet.....

   she said she was not comfortable watching me masturbate. So I told her to take a different bus.

   Wanna come over and watch porn on my 72 inch flat screen mirror?

   I suffer from amnesia and dejavu...I think I have forgotten this before...

   I took a sexual harassment course this afternoon. I think I'm going to be pretty good at it!

   I have nothing against black folk. One of my best friends thinks he is black.

   Which one of you ladies wants to be my next mistake?

   I'm worried because a coworker has incriminating nude photos of me. She says she will use them against me if I don't stop sending them to her.

   Brains are awesome! I wish everyone had one...