bfinest Funny Status Messages

   Just watched a clip of Jersey Shore... Now my eye's have chlamydia.

   I usually dodge becoming a third wheel by saying "I have the Flu''.

   it just me, or are women really negative? It's always "No, no, no!" with them.

   Teenage girls usually get upset after discovering they are pregnant, so I console them. "Your boobs will get bigger!"

   ‎"Don't judge me" means "read my Facebook profile but don't look at the pictures."

   When someone dies I never know what to say, but I think about all the horrible things I shouldn't say and hold them in.

   I think some people just shouldn't be allowed reproduce because of their IQ level.

   The ONLY reason I haven't unfriended you yet is because you have huge boobs and I have a feeling that I would miss seeing them.

   I'm hungry .......I really need to hire a wife.

   I feel bad that Snooki's baby has gotten laid before I did.*forever a vin *

   i feel bad that Snooki's baby has gotten laid before I did *forever a virgin*

   Stacy's Mom-The Music video that lead an entire generation into masturbation.

   Yesterday someone gave me a piece of "humble pie''.....Mine tastes better.

   Sasha Gray,Bree Olsen,Lisa Ann,Lela Star,Mone Devine,Jasmine Byrne,Liz Vicious,Jade Marcella,Lavish Styles,Sky Lopez and Little Lupe......If all those names sound familiar to you I have news for you.

   Not everyone that comes into your life needs to stay there.

   Just got through watching ''Black Swan".Thought it was a movie about nature turned out to be a softcore Porno.

   It disturbs me to see how much I say the word "Retard'' in everyday conversations..But never on Facebook where they are abundant.

   I was gonna make a gay joke, butt fcuk it.

   Dude don't tell me what's off limits!,It's not like I got your sister pregnant!!

   If you're not getting laid then bragging about being single and not in a relationship is pretty fckuing pointless.