ZINC Funny Status Messages

   went to a karaoke bar that had no 70's songs. At first I was afraid, I was petrified.

   the last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still technically on the list.

   Oh, so it's ok for Superman to wear his underpants on the outside but not me? Sometimes I don't even know why I bother showing up to court anymore.

   Came home to find all the doors and windows open and everything gone..what kind of sick person would do that to someone's advent calendar??

   hates double standards. If a chick bangs a bunch of dudes, she's a slut. If a guy does it, he's a homosexual.

   My New Year's Resolution? 1080p.

   Opinions are like orgasms. Mine's more important, and I don't give a fuck if she has one or not.

   I have 99 donuts because a bitch ate one

   undefeated at BattleShip. Mostly because I stack my ships on top of one another.

   admits that the Nazis were terrible, but look on the bright side: At least we got some awesome Indiana Jones movies out of it.

   Did anyone ever tell those kids how to get to sesame street?

   playing a fun drinking game. Every time somebody says "you can't drink alcohol in the office" I have to down a shot.

   glad I'm not bisexual. I couldn't stand being rejected by both men as well as women.

   To all my friends with short attention spans,

   that money can't buy you happiness, but it sure can buy you beers to drink in the shower.

   none of your astrological signs changed; they're all still complete bullshit.

   Yay Ground hogs day is on TV. Yay ground hogs day is on TV.

   facebook needs to add "still bangin my ex" as a relationship status option

   An optimist is the dude who yells out "Wet t-shirt contest!" during the sinking of the Titanic.

   come up with a new drink: Nyquil on the rocks. It's for when you feel sick but still want to be social.