Timber Funny Status Messages

   USED CAR FOR SALE CHEAP !!! Drives great, Low Mileage, Car trunk smells like chloroform and dead animals. Contact: Casey Marie Anthony, Inmate #08049710, at Orange County Jail, P.O. Box 4970, Orlando, FL 32802-4970, or call (407) 836-3400

   "Get off my Beach" First words spoken to Christopher Columbus by the Original Native American's

   I think it is hilarious that the Wall St. protestors hate big corporations, carring signs made with posterboard and markers they bought at WALMART, while wearing their GAP jeans, taking pictures with their MOTOROLA or AT&T camera phones, and drinking from

   In London, England The Big Ben clock tower is leaning, and it's getting worse. This Political Question comes to mind: Is it leaning to the Right or the Left?

   FUNNY T-SHIRT IDEA: "I survived another Harold Camping rapture prediction".

   Just saw on the TV news that the ADHD prescription drug "Adderall" is gotten hard for Pharmacies to keep in stock due to demand and... What was I saying? I lost track, Umm, something about something.

   Since they are doing 2011 in review on various TV News/Info programs... They showed pictures of Rihanna with Red Hair and a pony-tail. I thought, "Wow, Wendy's Logo just got a New Look"

   This Alzheimer's Easter Egg Hunt is taking forever...

   When I wasn't looking someone grabbed my shopping cart on Amazon and replaced it with one with a squeaky wheel. Of course my stuff was gone, and this one was filled with a bunch of "Preperation H" and a couple of those blow up rubber dounuts.

   NEW SECRET SERVICE CODE OF ETHICS: 1.) When arguing with a hooker in the hotel hallway, Use your "Inside" voice. 2.) You're only allowed to jump on a prostitute if you hear her ticking. 3.) Proudly display the U.S. Flag, But NOT the pole.

   "The Hangover Part 3" starring Prince Harry is now playing out in real life. Also you can now say every Ruler ISN'T 12 Inches LONG.

   Hear those Screams ??? That's not over Halloween scares. Its Star Wars fans freaking out. Walt Disney bought LucasFilms for $4 Billion dollars. Episode 7 will be released in 2015. I'm wondering how Sheldon Cooper and the rest of the gang on "Big Bang Theo

   The male version of "Fifty Shades of Grey" arrives this Tuesday at Midnight. They are calling it "Halo 4" !!! Countless crowds are standing in line anywhere games are sold.

   The Twinkee may be reborn, Mexican company El Grupo Bimbo may be the new owner and manufacturer. Will this mean the vanilla cream filling will be replaced with Guacamole or Salsa ?

   Madonna flashed her rear end during NYC concerts, Urgeing fans to toss money on stage for "Hurricane Sandy Relief", she raised $38,000 and an additional $45,000 in pledges to the "Keep Madonna Clothed Foundation".

   The Hot New Toy this Christmas season will be "Outsource Me Elmo" Which is simply an empty box as Elmo's job has now gone to a Muppet in Asia.

   ROTFLSHIDMEN = Rolling On The Floor Laughing So Hard I Dropped My Egg Nog.

   Top Reasons I Procastinate... 1.)

   Makers Mark... Now with more Water !!! Same price !!! Going from 45 percent by volume to 42 percent by volume.

   Today's Subway Special: The Triumph Carnival Cruise sandwich, This sandwich is served on 4 day-old Ammonia bread, with a scraps of room temperature tuna and onion, room temperature Mayonnaise, pieces of cucumber, and cheese.