Jackbrass Funny Status Messages

   I'm ecstatic about this radioactive wind, this is my closest chance to get those superpowers I always wanted. Thanks japan!

   Ah April 20th, the day the word dude was born.

   The only way I would honestly be able to say you are "hot" is if you were set on fire.

   People should stop arguing about ps3 and. Xbox. We all know the best system is was and always will be the nintendo 64!

   I hate my ducking iPhone, why the he'll won the son of a botch let me ducking swear? This is passing me off!

   6 family members had a birthday this month and thanks to Facebook I knew that this year.

   I love how my laptopshasta a warning that says You should change your battery or switch to outlet power immediately to keep from losing your work. Lol "work". I wish I got paid to watch porn..

   The only rime I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish sendkng a text.

   How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

   Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection.

   People have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and pinning the tail on the donkey – but I bet everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, every time.

   If you go to google and type " why does my " in the search box. Read some of the suggestions on there and you'll see why I hate people.

   I think cartoon characters should age every season, I wouldn't mind if alot of them were killed off due to old age.

   Why are porn DVDs 8 hours long? I was done before the opening credits.

   Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an a--hole.

   I was in a restaurant yesterday when I suddenly needed to pass gas bad. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat. After the first verse everyone was staring right at me. Then I realized I was listening to my iPod.

   A girl sleeps wit a lot of men she's a sl*t, but if a guy sleeps with alot of women he's the man. Not a double standard, look at it like this. If a key opens alot of locks it's a master key, if a lock gets opened by alot of keys then it's a sh*tty lock.

   Eating p*ssy is like driving a car, got to be careful or you'll hit the a**hole ahead of you.

   I didn't even want sex out of the deal. I just wanted a nice sandwich.

   I wish I could help run a country into the ground and still take a 100,000 trip for my birthday.