Bobo the Chimp Funny Status Messages

   just spent 30 minutes entering ridiculous symptoms into WebMD and it diagnosed me as having no life and being immature. Pshhh!

   Does homeowner's insurance cover Kool-Aid Man damage?

   I only speak to telemarketers when they refer to me as 'Your Highness' and if they keep taking off a piece of clothing every 30 seconds.

   I have a doctor's note to excuse the rotten stench I leave in people's bathrooms.

   If the g-string is any indicator, the g-spot is somewhere near the anus.

   If you say your grandpa is looking down at you and smiling I'm just going to assume you also have one of those mean drunken roof grandpas.

   I guess I'll pick up my dog's poop this time since you're having a yardsale and all.

   When someone tells me smoking is harmful, I throw my cigarette down and say "Serious? There, I've just quit! Quick let's go warn the others!

   I've never seen Scarface, but I have quoted the "little friend" line at some really inappropriate times.

   I bet the origin to the phrase, "When the sh!t hits the fan," is one heck of a story.

   My million dollar idea: "Homework-flavored" dog food.

   To prevent addiction, candy companies are forced to insert the yellow ones.

   I hate that disapproving look George Washington is giving me on the $1 bill. As if to say "You're making bad choices."

   The ice cream man has been turning his music off on our block since the day we paid with a protein-crusted sock full of corroded pennies.

   "What have I done?!! Everybody run!!" -Inventor of the boomerang

   All dogs go to heaven. All cats go to purr-gatory.

   I wear my glasses to the liquor store in an effort to appear responsible.

   As I watch this Spider walk across my floor, I wonder if his Spidey senses are telling him, he's f*cked

   I've been shopping for a new desk. Still can't find one with a headboard.

   Girl, not even the Kool-Aid man could bust through your emotional walls.