Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.

   Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.

   Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them

   I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.

   Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now

   Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

   reckons he was baptized in LSD.

   Funny thing about X's they are always followed by Y's

   [comment removed due to graphic content involving 3 Pints of Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream, a wrench, and handcuffs made out of Twizzlers.]

   X wonders "Do homeless people get knock-knock jokes?"

   reaching for the stars but they just keep moving further away!

   reading Sasquatches, Dinosaurs & UFOs: The Truth Behind 9/11.

   wants a Krabby Patty....all the other fish in the sea are eating it.

   never a follower......that's what 'Twits' are for.

   hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.

   converting oxygen into carbon dioxide...

   Hey Baby, wanna come over to myspace and twitter my yahoo 'til I google all over your Facebook

   just wants your extra time and your...kiss!

   loves peoples faces when she says stupid one-liners, takes her shades off and runs away like Horatio on CSI:Miami... no wonder he loves to do that, its so much fun!

   thinks that the song 'Take You Down' by Chris Brown was actually a message to Rihanna.