g0re Funny Status Messages

   It's better to have a life of 'Oh Wells than a life of 'What if...'

   t's annoying that you have to sexually rub the wall while you search for the light switch in a dark room.

   If a zombie apocalypse ever happens, we all better hope people who can do parkour don't get infected.

   Latin is like zombies. They're both technically dead but still influencing society.

   In Toy Story 3, if Andy was 17, that means that the toys stood there in silence while andy furiously masturbated.

   You usually don't care what other people are saying until they start whispering.

   Waking up at 7:00 always seems better than waking up at 6:59.

   It must've been tough being a magician in the 15th century. "Is this your card?" "Burn him! Burn the witch!!".

   It's really annoying when you want to talk to someone, but you have a feeling that they don't want to talk to you.

   It's kind of funny that Shakespeare invented the word "swagger."

   You know you watch too much porn when you go to a hospital expecting a threesome.

   Being a doctor is exciting than being a dentist, because if someone gets sick or is having a baby on a plane.You can help them & be the hero. But if you're a dentist, I doubt this ever happens: OH GOD THIS PERSON HAS A CAVITY! IS ANYONE HERE A DENTIST!?

   Buying someone flowers is kind of a weird idea. Like: Hey, these are for you, now watch them slowly die, because I love you.

   Stop, drop, and roll isn't just an effective fire safety tip, but it is also an interesting way to get out of a boring conversation.

   It'd be really weird if animals were like pokemon in that they said their names instead of making sounds. So instead of going "Meow" a cat would walk around going "CAAAAAAT CAAAAAT! CATCATCATCAT!"

   It's awkward when a sentence doesn't end the way you octopus.

   It sucks when you walk into a room, and you can't remember what you went in there for, so then you leave, then a few minutes later you remember that you're a fireman, and a bunch of people just died.

   We all have that face when we try to look happy when we open a birthday card with no money.

   The 5 biggest lies ever told: "I'm fine","Seriously, I don't like anyone", "I swear that was my last piece of gum","I have read and agree to the Terms & Conditions", and "I left my homework at home, I swear I did it!"

   Elementary math problems are weird."'I had 10 chocolate bars and ate 9 What do I have now?'" Oh, I don't know, DIABETES MAYBE."