Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

   Everyone who likes me is awesome and brilliant and everyone who doesn't is a selfish jerk. Weird.

   Why do people at a busy bar never know what they want to drink when the bartender gets to them? I've known since yesterday.

   Hurricane Irene threatens the East Coast of USA. If MTV won't cancel Jersey Shore, God will.

   Don't you hate it when people talk sh!t on Facebook? Internet Gangsters

   It definitely takes a lot of courage to stand up to your enemies but it takes a whole lot more to stand up to your friends...or to yourself.

   I am very much an acquired taste. If you don't like me, I suggest you acquire some good taste!

   I absolutely HATE when people use song lyrics as their status! It makes me wanna SHOUT! Kick my heels back and SHOUT! Throw my arms up and SHOUT! Throw my head back and SHOUT!

   It's sad that... last week's earthquake was the most movement we have seen coming from Congress in quite sometime now.

   I have learned one thing since joining Facebook - I'm not nearly as messed up as I thought I was.

   Do you think maybe I could save even more than 15% on my car insurance if Geico didn't waste so much f*cking money on commercials?

   To all the people who failed out of high school, just remember two things: 1) At least you tried your best, and 2) I said NO tomatoes on my burger, b!tch!

   I wouldn't say she was fat but she has to wear a G-rope.

   There are basically only four ways to handle Mondays; get around it, get under it, get through it, or get the f*ck over it.

   My phone autocorrected killed to kilt. Well plaid, phone. Well plaid.

   I knew this hurricane would be lame. After all, they named it after a chinese lady with one leg.

   My girlfriends sister sat on my glasses and broke them earlier. I was was so pissed off. Though to be fair it was my own fault for leaving them on.

   I like to go to telemarketing firms and interrupt their job by eating my dinner loudly.

   When the boss says, "OK, just keep me updated," he really means, "Don't bother me again until you're finished, you peasant b!tch."

   The judge says I'm a repeat offender, but he always says that.

   Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day... give a woman a compliment and he can 'eat' for a week.