jitney Funny Status Messages

   Tip #12 for Halloween: Dont go dress-up as a toilet and walk in a bar when it just happened to be nickle beer night.

   Who is ready to celebrate "No More Campaing" Adds on Wednesday? Ive got the beer!

   BREAKING NEWS: The Last person just finished voting in Florida....

   Im relocating to Colorado, I just heard the news; Colorado is now a weed state. I can smoke while voting next time around!

   Reasons 1 why Florida is considered the "Pitbull" State by the Press....We have 3 categories of last minute of lazyass late voters: Latinos, Blacks and Senior Citizens. you can have 2months of early voting and that ish wont ever change!!!

   Reasons 2 why Florida is considered the "Pitbull" State by the Press....You can expect 3 things to go wrong during voting: machine failures, not enough ballots printed out, and complicated procedures with late ballots count

   and Reason 3 why Florida still has no color,,,,You cant just predict anything in Florida, not the Weather, not the Casey Anthonys/Zimmerman or any Court cases... and definitely not the Elections running smoothly!

   Women dont say sorry, when a guy is right they say.... "Whatever!"

   Maybe I should come out with my own sex scandal.....Elmo, Patreaus, Penn State, Arnold, Tiger, Clinton.

   Watching this growing TOP CIA scandal is proof that women secretly runs the world!!!

   Its like the Mayans knew this was coming........CIA has been compromise, No mo tickle me Elmo, and Slena went Str8 again

   Lets treat guns like printers, expensive ink and bullets! that way if you really shoot someone,....oh you really meant to kill them with this $3000 silver bullet!

   realize that when someone says, "The last thing I want to do is hurt you," basically implies that there is a list and hurting you is on it.

   I kinda wish I was sober enough to remember what really happened. One moment we was having fun, the next thing I knew, its Monday and I'm getting emails..... R.I.P - Saturday & Sunday

   I really, really, really enjoy being off of work.

   Did anyone see Anderson Cooper reporting the news live from the heart of raining missles in Gaza. He looked so brave crouching behind the wall of his hotel balcony with his extra white hair....

   My girlfriend just caught me blow-drying my pennis and asked me what was I doing.....Apparently, "heating your dinner!" was not a good answer!

   If you don't want the answer to smack you straight in the mouth then I think it's probably best left un said!

   Great first it was the Movie theater early this yr, then the Mall random shootings, no its kids at the elementary level...... Can we put praying back in school now?

   Her: Your Not listening!!!! Me: How can I listen to you if you dont say the things I want to hear...Woman????