aaron Funny Status Messages

   We celebrate Labor Day by not working. Which is kind of like celebrating Arbor Day by paving the backyard.

   Just caught my girlfreind in bed with my best friend. I threw her out, then grabbed him and shouted, "Bad Dog! Bad Dog!"

   Opportunity knocked, but by the time I took off the chain, pushed back the bolt, unhooked two locks and shut off the alarm, it was too late..

   In case I drink too much and pass out for a while, Merry Christmas you guys.

   Someday, I'd like to take a train across the country.. but they never leave the keys in them.

   I bet Clint Eastwood uses the most badass denture adhesive available.

   Honestly, I love every single some of you.

   My girl, it's difficult to say what she does....she sells sea shells on the sea shore.

   I believe in looking out for number one. Especially if the dog's not housetrained.

   Ever had something dawn on you at dusk?

   I joined the Tourettes society today. It only took a minute to be sworn in.

   I'm not quite ready to declare this the 2,847th best day of my life, but it's certainly trending that way.

   So Monday and Tuesday sucked. But, with the right mix of caffeine, alcohol and mushrooms, Wednesday doesn't even have to happen at all.

   Did you guys hear about the robber that stole a calendar? Yeah, he got 12 months.

   If you fall and break both of your legs, don't come running to me.

   (status update from the future) RIP everyone.

   Sometimes when a person tells you "I've got your back..." they forget to add "...in my crosshairs."

   You could learn a lot by listening. So shut up and let me talk.

   I'm a fruit loop in a world of cheerios.

   I never use parking meters. The "time expired" sign gives me the creeps.