Funny Status Messages

   My boss didn't know I drank, until one day I came to work sober.

   approached a woman at a bar last night and asked her what she is looking for in a relationship. She yelled, "Security!".

   ran over an old guy's guide dog today. Lucky for me there were no witnesses.

   Police discovered the body of a local cartoonist this morning. Details are a bit sketchy.

   used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.

   If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.... thats why I don't talk to you =P

   went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but couldn't find any

   An apple a day keeps the doctor away...if you throw it precisely.

   Some people say "If you can't beat them, join them". I say "If you can't beat them, beat them", because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise

   sweating like a cat at a Chinese restaurant

   If you can't beat them, then you didn't swing hard enough the first time.

   officially erasing all BOYS from her contacts!

   ‎~ A teacher at a school for overweight kids was fired for snorting cocaine. His massive pupils gave him away.

   pleased that Mr T has spoken out about the whole BP shemozzle. He said, "I pity the fuel".

   ~ A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says, "Sorry, we don't serve food in here."

   walked down a street where the houses were numbered 64k, 128k, 256k, 512k and 1mb. That was a trip down memory lane.

   went into a library dressed as a German classical composer and asked for a book on Austrian actors. The librarian said, "Aisle B, Bach".

   ~ A man went to see a psychiatrist, wearing only Gladwrap shorts. The shrink said, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts".

   wondering who trains the suicide bombers how to do it..

   `edison failed 10,000 times before he made the electric light.do not be discouraged if you fail a few times`-napoleon Hill