Funny Status Messages

   I've been poor and happy and now I'm ready to be rich and miserable. Gimme!

   This girl I know is thinking about havin beer pong at her reception... that's walking a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever.

   Study shows women are less likely to keep their cars clean. Yeah, because they don't need a clean car to get laid.

   Funny how people get easily buzzed about the new iphone and droid phones. Meanwhile, China and Japan are sitting back laughing at us with their better (possible) 5G phones.

   went into BP after getting subway. and spilled my slushy all over the floor. and yelled "YOU DONT LIKE HOW THAT FEEELS HUH!" and left.

   The Flying Spaghetti Book: Garlic 3:16, And the Flying Spaghetti Monster so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son and that who so ever should believe in him should not perish but have everlasting pasta, rAmen.

   why are men so smart during sex? because hes plugged into a genius

   I'd like to be a bird, not for the freedom and beauty of flight...I just want to be able to sh*t on people like a WWII bomber pilot.

   I have Bieber Fever. I listened to a song by Justin Bieber and now have a 103 degree temperature, I'm throwing up, and have a huge headache.

   the only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.

   she's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice..yup, I'd still hit it

   thinks rap promotes punching, boastfulness, and disrespect toward ho's.

   I feel like I hit rock bottom...bouncer at the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night.

   I tried the Facebook Friend Finder and it showed me all the people who deleted me, I think its a tad bit faulty or should be renamed!

   thanx to my ex GF,I now have to shave between eyebrows because "stupid me" let her wax there one nite for sh*ts and giggles

   How many times do I have to roll my eyes to burn any calories?

   The more I think about the lack of thought I put into thinking makes me wonder what was I thinking.

   $3.88 until my Visa is maxed out. I'm struggling between the #4 at Burger King or shampoo.

   I've never been to jail, but I did get stuck in a pair of skinny jeans at an American Eagle once.

   I've been poor and happy and now I'm ready to be rich and miserable. Gimme!