Funny Status Messages

   exercising at work....banging your head against the wall can burn up to 150 calories per hour!

   a weapon of mass distraction

   thinking - No, I don't have PMS. I just really hate you.

   all men are idiots, and I married their king

   GIve a man a fish & he'll feed himself for a day. Give him a fishing rod & he'll snap it for fire wood. Or trade it for a fish...

   Be nice society already sucks!!!

   build a man a fire, and he is warm for one night. SET a man on fire, and he is warm for the rest of his life!

   told today that my problem is that I just want my cake and eat it..... Yes. Yes I do. Afterall what good is a god damn cake you can't eat.

   dont try to fix me I am not broken

   Friendship is like peeing in your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth.

   hunting terrorists with jack bauer be back in 24 hours

   thinking God must love stupid people...he made so many!

   thinking aren't the 'good things that come to those who wait' just the leftovers from the people that got there first?

   have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler?

   Why are people allowed to put naked statues outside but why can't we run outside naked?

   Sometimes growing up .......means growing a p a r t.

   you just have to learn to forget about the people ....who forgot about you

   Googling his Twitter all over your Facebook. ;)

   a stepladder. It's a very nice stepladder, but it's sad that he never knew his real ladder.

   don't wake me up i'm working