Dylan Bosch Funny Status Messages

   Someone quoted me incorrectly on Twitter again. I *HATE* it when I get mistweeted.

   watched that new gay television soap series called, 'Leave it, it's Beaver!'

   If you die in a manner that leaves your body unrecognizable they identify you by your dental records; if they don't know who you are, how in the world would they know who your dentist is?"

   I have a recurring, hour-long meeting set on my work calendar for 4pm on Fridays. There's no actual meeting, but I'll be damned if I let someone schedule a real one at that time."

   Men are terrified of women. Don't believe me? Go use one of those decorative towels in the bathroom. I dare ya."

   The true test of inner strength is finding both stalls occupied."

   All I ask is a chance to prove money can't make me happy!"

   Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs."

   My road rage doubles in winter. Not only does everyone drive like they're 100 years old, but I get even more enraged when I flip someone off and realize I'm wearing mittens. Now I'm pissed and embarassed."

   If ghosts can walk through walls and glide down stairs, why don't they fall through the floor?"

   Sometimes I smile in the middle of telling a story, not because I'm fondly remembering something, but because I'm impressed with the BS I am creating on the spot."

   This time of year every store is advertising as "your one stop shop!" Really? I'm in college, I'm pretty sure that's the liquor store.

   When moving walkways in airports warn me to watch my step because, "The walkway is coming to a end", my first thought is "I'm moving 2 mph, that is ridiculous." Then when I get to the end all I can think is "Oh crap, I better not mess this up."

   Women don't want to hear what you think...Women want to hear what they think- in a deeper voice."

   Nice guys finish last... because they make sure their women come first ;)

   thinks I've found the cure for stupidity... a shock collar. And if it doesn't cure them, at least you got a good laugh watching them twitch."

   PMS: stands for either "Pass My Shotgun" or "Potential Murder Suspect". Take your pick.

   If you didn't hear it with your OWN ears or see it with your OWN eyes, don't go passing it on with your OWN mouth!"

   do you think that butterflies get tattoo's of women's butts?"

   Pluto was rejected from the planet category because of its crooked orbit; even our solar system kicks the stumbling drunk guy out of the party."