Funny Status Messages

   This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 30 dog, seconds dog! ... Now read without the word dog.

   Pain is nature's way of saying "Don't do that." - Painkillers are mankind's way of saying "F*ck it ... go ahead"

   Really really really wants to zigazig ha

   Don't call my name, Cilantro!

   Figuring out the three seashells thing is a very messy business...

   Dyson has a line of fans to add to their line of vacuums. Dysonnow proudly makes products that sucks and blows.

   says Its funny how sitting "boy girl boy girl" use to be a punishment...

   I've invented a new low-intensity cardio workout that requires me to lay completely still on the couch.

   I've been embraced by reality... does anyone know how to make it let go?

   I am a kind of paranoid in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy.

   Attn BP: When this is all over, will the Gulf of Mexico be regular, midgrade or premium?

   If at the end of your life you have no regrets, you did it wrong.

   if Silvia Brown wanted to really impress me, she should send me a note telling me that she knows that I'm not gonna be at her concert.

   Oh didnt I tell you? Must have been none of your f*cking business."

   Scientists they don't know why this is true, but it's true. Women with big rear ends live longer.. Men who tell them that, Don't."

   IPhone 4 should have just came out on T-Mobile b/c they have one thing in~\..........Hello, Hello...../~common

   Shakeweight.......most akward way of working out xD

   trying to find Osama is like trying to find Waldo....I give up.

   I stood in front of a mirror for 10 minutes to watch myself blink... I missed it everytime!

   I may not meet my wife in college...But I damn sure have met my bros throwing my bachelor party