Funny Status Messages

   Just ate two Double Downs at KFC, now there is an ambulance gurney following me everywhere

   Today: Consumer Reports cannot recommend iPhone 4. Tomorrow: Everyone at Consumer Reports found dead.

   saying goes: The darker the berry the sweeter the juice. Well the lighter the berry the longer it stays ripe. ;)

   hotter then a priest on a playground..Bazinga

   A key ring is a handy little gadget that allows you to lose all your keys at once.

   All I've ever wanted was an honest week's pay for an honest day's work.

   I loved once.. She was my first kiss, it was on the swingset in the park. Maybe someday she'll find me and we'll hook up again. Who Knows, Until then I'll keep chasing brunettes with big boobies."

   “Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option”

   cutting the sleeves off my Snuggie because it makes me look more badass...

   Facebook: A place where you discover that people you once respected can't speel.

   "Id rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not"

   wondering if Bob Sheppard is up in heaven going " Now passing... thru the Gates of Heaven... Yankees owner... George Steinbrenner!" R.I.P. =P

   just saw Eclipse and can't believe it took 3 movies (and 2 actresses) to kill off that b*tch Victoria! And Jacob - get a clue, you stalker!

   stop making excuses and start finding the reasons to do things , the only limitation is your imagination and YOU !!

   Wondering what chickens think frogs taste like.

   it 1 tap or 2 to request toilet paper from the next stall?

   We have 50 friends in common and I still have no idea who the hell you are

   I think sharks eat people just to get on tv.

   I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

   Dear Pope, Religion and birth control are more compatible than you may think. Every time a condom breaks, someone learns to pray.