Funny Status Messages

   I appreciate that Motel 6 will leave the light on for me, because otherwise, I'm certain I would be murdered in their parking lot.

   If only those tight shirts with the bedazzled wings on the back that some guys wear would allow them to fly far, far away, the world just might be a better place.

   You know...Barbie has an awful lot of nice things for a girl whose knees do not bend.

   If only those tight shirts with the bedazzled wings on the back that some guys wear would allow them to fly far, far away, the world just might be a better place.

   Anyone who starts a sentence "With all due respect..." is about to insult you..

   It is easier to get forgiveness than permission

   if you're tired of waiting...just count 1 to 100...if it's still not there, count 1 to 200... if it's still not there, just count 1 to 10... if still nothing happens, then accept the fact that it's not meant for you..

   ya ever notcie that the most comfortable one can be in bed is always one minute before you have to get up?

   changing the name of MTV to Empty V. Thanks to shows like the Hills, this channel officially sucks balls now

   BREAKING NEWS: Miami Heat joins LeBron James.

   I just LeBron Jamesed my pants. Is that a thing yet?

   FACEBOOK ALERT: Lebron James is now in a relationship with Lebron James.

   How many crap loads are there in a sh*t ton again? cuz that's exactly how Cleveland feels like right now...

   finds it ironic how people 'like' pages that start with "I hate..."

   Whoever started the tradition to wear bright hideous Hawaiian shirts on "casual fridays" needs to be punch in the throat.

   Likes her coffee catffinated

   Apple just introduced the IdoucheBag, to carry your Ipod, Ipad, and Ipone.

   Paul the octupus will be a hero if Spain wins the football worldcup!!!

   the only horoscope you will ever need goes like this: Planets are doing stuff, so it's a good day to do stuff but be prepared in case bad stuff happens.

   you shouldn't listen to other people's foolishness. You should listen to mine.