Funny Status Messages

   I hate it when you go to bed and you finally convince yourself that the spot on the wall is just a piece of dirt or something, and then it totally starts crawling towards you!

   Change is good..especially if you wear diapers!

   Why they play football while there is a Vuvuzela concert?This is Rude

   Attention bullies: if you're looking for lunch money, there are tons of nerds hoarding around outside Apple Stores right now.

   so we are all in the basement watching Dora. And, Dora and Boots can not figure out how to get pass this big red line when Max (10 yr old) says, "It's the border Dora! You are not supposed to cross it!"

   Forget a 5 star chick... I rather have a 6 flag chick... More flags more fun!!!

   going to give my pillow some head :0) and my sheets some ass.!! G"night!!!

   Love is best when it overflows freely from the heart, rather than you having to reach in to get your fill.

   Husband gets "I Love You" tattooed on his penis. He goes home to show his wife. His wife says "There you go again trying to put words in my mouth"

   never play leapfrog with a unicorn

   Will the person who keeps the electronic eye attatched to the toilets real sensative, please quit. I want to use the bathroom, not a bidet.

   Man does not live by words alone, despite the fact that sometimes he has to eat them.

   Relationships are like cul-de-sacs once you get deep in you have to make a U-Turn

   bragging about having sex with you wife is like bragging that I just gave myself the best handjob

   my head says no, my heart says yes an my stomach say cheesebruger no pickles, with jus a lil bit of mustard...

   Can everyone who has an iPhone 4 stop talking about it until the rest of the world has them? Thanks.

   It's better to have a gun and not need it than to not have a gun and need it

   it's so hot the jalapenos in my garden were all standing over in the shade.

   A woman will always forgive & forget......But she'll never let you forget that she has forgiven & forgotten...

   Condoms are like newspapers....sure they are filled with good stuff today but you sure don't want them around tomorrow...