Funny Status Messages

   I'm so tired of hearing bad news about cigarettes... Even if they discover good news, they don't publicize it -- like the fact that smoking seriously reduces the risk of jogging.

   doing situps with a stomach virus isn't the smartest thing I have ever done! Time to call in CSI to get this mess cleaned up

   June 23, 1860, The U.S. Secret Service was created to arrest counterfeiters. Now the Secret Service also protects the President... isn't this a conflict of interest?

   an apple a day keeps anyone away if you throw it hard enough

   I can't believe people are watching SOCCER!! It's a bunch of guys running around like crazy, and NEVER scoring! It just reminds me of my high school years!

   not in the dictionary because awesome is already a word

   Worrying is like a rocking chair. It keeps you busy, but gets you nowhere.

   I don't know if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.

   As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead, he jaughed. You know he's been there before.

   if life aint crazy, you aint livin!!!

   wondering why lady gaga is doesnt want to kiss or touch him, did he do something?, were fernando and roberto involved?

   Unicorns are real, They are just fat and gray and we call them Rinos

   If karma doesn't knock you out soon, I f*ckin will!!

   Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work or prison.

   ▒▒broke his sta▒tus but ▒▒▒▒ a little duct tape goes▒▒ a long w▒ay....

   England are to change their shirts for the next game. The 3 lions will be replaced with 3 tampons to represent the worst period they've ever had!!

   This World Cup has turned out like World War 2! The French surrendered early, the USA arrive at the last minute and the English are left to fight the Germans

   If "Vampire In Brooklyn" had been a bigger hit, we could have all lived the rest of our lives without these damn "Twilight" movies .

   When I post a good status message that gets lots of comments, I feel like I just rode a bull for 8 seconds at the rodeo

   These days, the only way I get rolled in the hay is if I get mugged behind the barn.