Funny Status Messages

   Some people are as useless as rubber lips on a woodpecker.

   Brush your teeth or please breathe the other way. You're bleaching my hair.

   When things sound reasonable ~ its time to up my medication.

   If they made hats the size of some peoples brains they would be wearing a peanut shell.

   Don't talk about yourself so much in front of some friends... they do it when you leave

   Heavy, stationary objects keep running into my bare feet...How many times do I have to stub my toes before these things learn to get out of my way?

   You can't say your girlfriend is a multi-tasker but she likes gangbangs!

   Pushed humpty Dumpty and also was the reason Jack fell down and broke his crown. While I was at it I stole the cookies from the cookie jar and let the dogs out. So there........

   ask me what I like about you, 15 drinks from now .

   - Thankfull its only blood. Thought I was a tomato!!!

   Funny....I don't remember eating corn...?

   there's no "I" in gang bang

   eating carrots and watching porn. Something *seriously* went wrong with my weekend

   all about sharing...I'll eat the hotdog if you eat the bun

   Ladies, when a man tells you that you're one in a million, don't get too flattered. That means there is about 6,500 more of you on Earth.

   Usually when a President has a highway named after him he is already dead. I guess the people of Orlando have ESP?

   On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how mad are you?

   Dont buy condoms at BP gas stations, they may burst and result in a leak...

   rattlesnakes and condoms. 2 things I dont fu*k with.

   Love is like a soccer ball, everybody runs to have that ball, and when they have it they kick it away..