paulb808 Funny Status Messages

   I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public

   I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that

   If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook

   Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the cl!toris is

   without freedom of speech we would never know who the a$$holes are

   Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR,

   I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn

   Don't ask for my opinion then. I said congrats on the car, just saying nobody's panties are getting wet from a Honda Accord

   I remember the day like it was yesterday when I realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights

   Don't focus on the one guy who hates you. You don't go to the park and set your picnic down next to the only pile of dog s##t

   Humans will die out. We're weak. Dinosaurs survived on rotten flesh. You got diarrhea last week from a Wendy's

   Stop trying so hard. He doesn't like you, don't kiss an a$$ if it's in the process of $hitting on you

   anyone want my old toaster oven? It's pretty snazzy…has the pattern of a loaf of Wonder Bread stained on the top of it….they're all the rage ya know…be the first of your friends to own one…at the low…low price of——-> FREE!”

   and three hundred of his friends DIDNT change their profile picture

   I dont see why facebook feels the need to notify me everyday that some of you have changed your profile picture. Unless your naked...I dont give a sh%t

   Women spend 2% of their lives trying to figure out where bruises on their legs came from

   If you're wearing sweat pants either you just worked out or you've never worked out.

   Don't be a BEN brother, should have been, would have been, could have been, or might have been

   A baseball fan is a spectator sitting 500 feet from home plate who can see better than an umpire standing five feet away

   I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.