Funny Status Messages

   - I heard my mates's girlfriend say to him..."You'd be fitter if you exercised you lazy f**k".....I could't help myself interrupting and said to her...."You'd be a lot f**kin fitter if you were your sister"....

   Broken guitar for sale - no strings attached.

   A magician was driving down the road..then he turned into a drive way...

   "Money cannot buy you happiness but id rather cry in my ferrari...."

   preparing for confession. Anyone have an unused condom?

   Since practice makes perfect, I must thank my parents for not givin' up on the first try. :)

   I'm not feeling myself today... anyone else wanna try?

   ...easy there, don't cry, it's OK. Everyone makes mistakes...take your parents for example

   Definition of stupid; person who locks their keys in the car...and it takes them an hour to get their family out.

   "We can still be friends" is like saying "Hey, the dog died but we can keep it"

   pretty drowsy......he's pretty sure he has a nap for that....

   Can I have your phone number, so I can call you the next time I have a 4 hour erection?

   "Every time I see a mattress on top of a car I think it's a prostitute making house calls."

   "Farts are the ghosts of food we ate."

   likes waking up after a nap and finding out theres a whole night to go with that kinky dream!"

   woundering if the Baha Men ever found out who let the dogs out?

   I would like to Like you, but I don't know where to click it :))

   A father is someone who carries pictures where his money used to be.

   In Light Of BP's Recent Accident They Are Offering Everyone Free Oil. You Just Have To Come Pick It Up At Any Location In The Gulf Coast..

   I wish, with a passion, that I could find the strength to give you one more chance.