Funny Status Messages

   Whenever I pass someone texting and driving, I throw my beer at their window.

   The last time Houston was under this much water her first name was Whitney.

   Truth is truth. It does not need to be "balanced" and it isn't caused by voting, consensus, polls or by yelling louder or silencing someone.

   I decided to start calling my bathroom the Jim instead of the John. That way I can tell everyone that the first thing I do every morning is go to the Jim.

   When I was a kid, my family was so poor that if I hadn't been a boy I wouldn't have had ANYTHING to play with.

   I took the Facebook quiz "Which Sex and the City character are you?" Turns out I'm the bus driver who splashes Carrie in the opening credits.

   God created the world in 6 days but took 9 months to create me, so clearly I’m a big deal.

   There are days when I just want to hear her voice. Then I remember what a nut job psycho she was...

   The internet is blowing up over the first lady's shoes?? Is this what we've come to in America??

   With Lynn Yaeger, we dont need a new Pennywise. She will scare you and steal your shoes.

   Pyongyang can't party. It has no Seoul.

   Pastor Joel Osteen won't open his Houston ⛪ church that can hold 16,000 for hurricane victims because it only provides shelter from taxes.

   Woman cradles and protects child. Man carries and protects both. This is how it ought to be, despite what your gender studies professor says.

   Does any one cares about KKK, white supremacy, Neo-Nazi, illigal immigrants, Confederate Statues in Houston? Just asking for a friend

   People who don't have a dog, have to pick the food up them self that they drop on the floor .

   No I am not aware Taylor Swift has a new album because I don't listen to trash. I throw it out.

   Does anyone really ever listen to the wedding march melody? Dumb dumb de dumb ...... Dumb dumb de dumb.

   Taylor Swift should have grabbed that microphone from Kanye and said "Sorry, but Martin Luther King Jr. had the best speech of all time."

   Lynn Yaeger? Never heard of him.

   If two vegans had an argument, is it still beef?