Funny Status Messages

   I'm sick of Canadians sneaking across the border and stealing our hockey jobs.

   Do You Really expect everybody to believe your "in a relationship" with someone who doesn't have facebook? Your fooling no one..

   Crack,meth,heroine. All these drugs should be manufactured by pharmacutical companies. That way,no one could afford them.

   Just woke up and is not smelling the coffee, he smells the beer.

   Can't stand the automatic bathroom appliances... WTF... I am not done.. Thanks for the generous water ration... Btw, your paper towels are like sand paper

   Eight deaths in one year at a Chinese phone manufacturing plant? There's an App for that.

   Childhood obesity is not funny. Ok mabey it is a little, Chubby little kids woddling around.

   loves how Trig Palin is named after a math class he'll never pass.

   Sharting: (verb) when you try to cut the cheese and get the whole nacho dip.

   RIP Megan Fox career - 2007 - 2010

   ☆:*´¨`*twinkle twinkle little star...point me to the nearest bar *´¨`*:.☆ HAPPY FRIDAY!!!!!

   When the World calmly tells you, "Give Up" on your struggles to success, You whisper back and say, "Hell...No"

   we don't choose who you fall in love with, we can only pray that thay fall in love with us too ♥

   how am I supposed to look at the glass as half full when I drank all the beer??

   Dear Obama, Just a question… if I somehow am able to sneak into the White House (Illegally)… and I am wearing my normal day to day clothes, looking suspicious... Is it fair to assume that I won't be asked for my crudentials as long as I'm good?

   The Orioles have been so bad for so long that MLB is now requiring them to take performance enhancing drugs

   As of tommorrow, Facebook will creep into your bathroom when you're in the shower and tweak your boobs. To change this option, go to Settings > Personal Settings > Bathroom Settings> Boob Tweakage Settings and uncheck the Shenanigans box.

   I know for a fact that one of my facebook friends are playing with thy self as I write this status..ok who is it???

   My diet is working.. my underwear WON'T STAY UP!!!

   I stopped playing UNO with the Mexicans ,They Cheat They keep stealing all the Green Cards !!