Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   wouldnt be caught dead with a necrophiliac!

   watching the news and doesn't understand the fuss about gay marriages and weddings...flowers, classical music, people dancing to the village people and sister sledge...aren't all weddings Gay?

   stuck in the moment and he can't get out of it...

   has secretly replaced the Parmesan cheese shaker with a used Pedi-Egg. Will her guests be able to tell the difference?

   guesses Chris Brown sure taught Rihanna how to breathe with "no air"

   As I'm getting older I've noticed my memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used

   lying in my lovers arms...ahhh my arms are soo soft

   decided to donate some fat, any takers??

   life is a journey. The bus is just late

   jumped off the building so he can fly. Now if I could jus grow some wings

   Tough decisions... Beat off in the shower and waste water or use Kleenex and add to landfill? What can I say? I love Mother Earth and big titties.

   text from a female: "Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless."

   This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it. ..... happy thursday everyone

   I throw a dart at my wall calendar to decide what day it is. Thanks to my bad aim, today is Window.

   Viagra has instructions, keep away from children - what kind of man do you think I am?

   If I found out I was going to be burned at the stake, I think I'd fill all my pockets with popcorn kernels

   Sometimes I go down to the Home Depot and pick up day laborers in my truck just to have people to drink with. Hop in, amigos. It's Miller time.

   M.I.L.F. Man, I Love Funyuns!

   increasing his carbon footprint so that it is visible from space.

   running with scissors and playing with matches...