Funny Status Messages

   You know what''s so scary, but just so sexy at the same time? A hot woman kicking your a$$ in video games.....in your room.....on your bed.

   I only know how to do things 3 ways: the WRONG way. the RIGHT way. and MY way. Which is really the WRONG way, only faster!

   "a friend with weed id a friend indeed...."

   I won't rest until I find a cure for insomnia.

   Just saw my Direct Deposit amount and the "LOL" the bank typed next to it.

   why test on animals when we have pedofiles in prison.

   I knew Steve Nash deep down is a laker fan. Even his right eye and purple and yellow

   Everyone seems normal until you get to know them

   If you take a muscle relaxer and a Viagra together you will end up a Gumby with a Pokey.....

   If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments..

   If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything.

   Sorry Monday but it's over. I am leaving you for Tuesday, please don't be sad.....I have to look to the future....

   I'm not saying that I'm a pessimist but I just took a sip of water from my half empty glass and I misjudged the distance to my mouth and cracked the glass on my teeth and I cut my lip on the broken edges and chipped a tooth.

   Can I see my dream in 3D shades?

   It's always nice to have a baker's dozen of something, unless it's like stab wounds or something.

   hey Justin Bieber, remember Hanson?

   spending time entertaining facebookians by writing funny status's instead of doing work

   My age? I'd rather not tell. Let's just say i'm somewhere between 25 and a Wal-Mart greeter.

   I don't know what's worse. The fact that there are so many ugly women who walk around like they're all that or the fact that none of them are desperate enough to talk to me.

   I had a hard time believing a movie called Furry Vegeance was a family movie...I thought it was a movie about a woman scorned.....boy was I wrong!