Funny Status Messages

   infinity to the left or the right?

   I'm about to conquer a mountain of BBQ meat so epic that my utensils are a beach towel, safety goggles, and police tape.

   I wonder if gay people ever say things like "Oh my god that is SO straight."

   Attention all joined-at-the-hip couples: "Inseparable" and "Insufferable" sound alike for a reason.

   After doing some research, It turns out that not EVERYBODY was kung-fu fighting. It was just this one guy

   I'm super sick, and while I don't need anyone to nurse me back to health but I'd like someone to pick up my tissues and let me be mean to them..

   After 2 years I finally found the back piece to one of my remotes. This means more to me than it probably should.

   ♫ If you're crazy and you know it take your pills! ♫

   Hiding peoples status' on your news feed is the best way of sayin f*ck you're annoying but I don't wanna delete you cuz you'll notice.

   serve her a large drink with a full banana hidden inside it. If she gulp it in one shoot with no problem I know i'm in for a long night!

   Think back to 1850. California became a state. The people had no electricity. The state had no money. Almost everyone spoke Spanish. There were gunfights in the streets. Nothing has changed, except then women had real boobs and the men didn't hold hands!

   I don't care what anyone says...ice cream is a very important element to any healthy diet!!

   just got a 'friend request' from Dr. Phil as suggested by another friend....Hmmmm, is this friend trying to tell me something???

   I want to buy a Labrador for my niece but i'm a bit scared. I can't help but notice how many Labrador owners have gone blind.

   To say things are going "swimmingly" is always a good thing. Except when you're on a cruise.

   Women with facial hair, can y'all please stop buying all the freakin Schick razor blades!!! Those are not MADE FOR Y'ALL!!!!   

   curious as to which arm rest in the movie theatre is really yours.

   never realized how sleep deprivation could make me think more bazarrely (is that a word?) than abnormal...thinking outside the dimension !

   Used the local gas station toilet today, when I walked in someone in the stall muttered "Release the Kracken"...well played creepy homeless guy...well played.

   When you love her you're F-ing her, when you don't she is F-ing you! What's up with that?