Funny Status Messages

   *at starbucks.. ME: Can I take some wifi home with me?... BARISTA: Um,,, sure?.... ME: (holds tupperware container in the air & closes lid) ... Thanks.

   Being know as a instigator, I'm gonna add "Being thankful we survived Obama' to the thanksgiving blessing just to get the fun going.

   The election has been over nearly 2 weeks and this krap is still going on. Get back to the funny!

   'When we were kids, we didn't have Pokemon Go. If we wanted to look for things that weren't there, we would get stoned like normal people.'

   My neighbor finally put up his #Christmas lights today. I bet he's mad that I beat him to it. I put mine up three years ago.

   Election still got you down? It could be worse. You could be a conjoined twin with a g@y brother who has a date and you're the only one with an @$$.

   Indi@n people win spelling bees, Jeopardy championships, and collegiate scholarships. They know everything...except the existence of deodorants.

   I've noticed that if you remove the vowels from the word "FEMALE" it spells FML.

   If you paid to watch the Goldberg vs. Brock Lesnar WWE fight ... GET A REFUND !

   The Only Sabbath that matters is Black !

   Are you still making frozen jokes? Let it go

   Obama is Evil!!!!

   Not to be outdone by the new "Coca Cola Selfie Bottle", CHARMIN is announcing their new "We're on a Selfie Roll!" bathroom tissue product. Now you can turn those boring old bathroom selfies into "Action Selfies"!

   I've always wanted to be one of those people who laughs all the way to the #bank, instead of one who cries every time he leaves.

   WHAT IS THAT ? A TWISTED SISTER PIN, ON YOUR UNIFORM !

   The Constitution is Good

   "When did we first meet?" if we had sex the first I could recall otherwise dont waste my time !

   Running away doesn't help you with your problems, unless your problem is obesity

   My first childhood Lesson was that if you dream you're having a piss, you are most likely having a piss

   Being a Man is great until you hear a noise late at night and your wife makes you realize that you are the one who is supposed to go investigate