Funny Status Messages

   I am in competition with no one. I run my own race. I have no desire to play the game of being better than anyone, in any way, shape, or form. I just aim to improve, to be better than I was before. That’s me and I’m free.

   May your clothes be comfy. your coffee strong and your Monday short.

   KARMARIFIC : My new word For when karma gets someone so sweetly ..It's Karmarific !

   Hey, he just called you Indian. Oh hell'no. Hold my Fry Bread

   I'd publish my autobiography but it's just a bunch of liquor stained pages filled with doodles, and rants about stupid people.

   A wife is like a box of chocolates, you never know which of her multiple moods you're going to get, you just better act like you love it.

   Supermoon was OK... But according to Rotten Tomatoes, still way better than Supermoon v Batmoon.

   When the moon hits your eye Like a bigger pizza pie,,,, That's a....Supermoon.

   There will be a 'Supermoon' tonight... That means it will be wearing its underpants on the outside.

   Things get back to normal tomorrow when Supermoon returns to work as mild mannered reporter Clark Moon.

   Now my neighbors know how often I pee in my backyard... Thanks, super moon. Thanks.

   Just saw a bumper sticker saying, "My Lab is smarter than your Honor Student" I may not be worldly, but I have never seen an Honor Student jump from an open car window and chase a squirrel through a busy intersection.

   I'd give five bucks to hear First lady Melania say, "Moose and Squirrel".

   That moment when you realize that the people you regarded as gods .... turn out to be nothing more than corrupt men.

   Ya .... That Supermoon was OK ..... But I was quite disappointed when I realized it didn't even have a cape.

   Before the election I was getting a dozen political calls a day. Now nothing. I feel so lonely.

   About 500 thousand astrologers in India and none of them predicted that the notes will be changed

   I would eat more tofu if it was an animal.

   Friendly Reminder: a woman that hits a man is not a woman, she's a grown up child.

   I used to have this device to help me find wild mushrooms but I misplaced it. You might say I lost my morel compass.