Funny Status Messages

   Somebody make her a dude so I can punch her!!

   Light switches that flip up for off should be banned

   Some people are put off when I greet them with a kiss. Maybe I should use less tongue?

   I sympathize a lot with Darth Vader because he had so much trouble juggling career and family.

   F*ck the real world,let's all just be pirates!

   I made eye contact with someone in traffic and then didn't let them merge. I feel like a James Bond villain.

   What I meant to text: 'sweety pie'. What I actually texted: 'sweaty pig'. Proofreading: it can save relationships.

   Arguing about Facebook is so Myspace.

   puh puh puh poke her face

   sometimes I find hope at the bottom of a bottle of vodka.

   Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?

   refuses to "lather, rinse, repeat". Seriously... how dirty do they think my hair gets?!?

   Since switching from PC to MAC, my computer never goes down on me :(

   Cherish your dreams ,as they are the children of your soul,the blueprints of your ultimate achievements.

   Ahhhhhhhh, those carefree days of yore when we could pick a frilly dandelion puff from it's roots and blow them into the wind. NOW IT'S ALL OUT FRIGGIN' WAR!!!!! Kill the dandelions! Kill Kill Kill!!

   So I got out of having to hang with the inlaws by going to work. Good trade I say!

   says that the depressing thing about tennis is that, no matter how good you get, you will never be better than a wall

   remember stoop kid from hey arnold? now thats the life.

   if you and I always agree.......... one of us is unnecessary

   FB is soo useful always reminds you of birthdays and anniversaries, Never forget your wifes birthday...