Funny Status Messages

   found Nemo. (Reminder: you have to hold the handle until it's done flushing...)

   The best part of you ran down your mothers leg

   Tough decisions... Beat off in the shower and waste water or use Kleenex and add to landfill? What can I say? I love Mother Earth and big titties

   text from a female: "Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless."

   Shouldn't the fortune in every fortune cookie be "You are about to eat a stale cookie?"

   Something you never hear in the news: "200 killed today when Atheist rebels took heavy shelling from the Agnostic stronghold in the North."

   When I was a kid I used to trick the tooth fairy with kidney stones

   running around robbing banks all wacked on the scooby snacks..!!

   a date with 2 Girls from 1 Cup

   secretly transformed himself into this status message an is now having sex with your eyes. You are smiling, you must like it. ;)

   went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

   watching the news and cannot figure out what the big deal is with Gay marriages & Gay Weddings. Flowers, classical music, people dancing to the Village People and Sister Sledge. Aren't all weddings Gay?

   browsing tube8.com... Haha! I know you will open it.

   not gaining weight, he's retaining food!

   calculating the square root of tomorrow

   wondering where he can get a hardcover version of Facebook

   thinks the last place he'd like to be beamed is "Up Scotty"

   pretty much an exclamation mark in human form...

   "kinky is using a feather, perverted is using the whole chicken!"

   believes that just thinking about acupuncture is pointless.