Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   obviously I'm against a baby fight club on a moral basis but in terms of humor... it's pure gold

   I'm not worried about Werewolves, Vampires, Zombies or Haunted Hotels .... I'm worried about what real Human Beings will do to other Human Beings.

   The FIRST Rule of Marriage Club is .... She's ALWAYS Right.

   I accidentally got my blow up doll pregnant. Related: I've got some balloons for sale.

   Nintendo has gotten more kids off the couch in 2 days than Michelle Obama has in 8 years.

   Tip for Pokemon Go players. I just left a Squirtle and a Blastoise in the mall bathroom.

   Yes it is true that women give us solace, But if it were not for women we would never need solace.

   If Republicans didn't insist on upholding their "Proud Tradition of Failure to do their JOB" ... Perhaps this country wouldn't be in such a sad state of affairs. They were elected to do one thing then proceeded to do another ..... SHEESH

   OK, You're telling me you're not a slut ..... So ... Does that mean you are some kind of volunteer prostitute or something?

   Well if we really are what we eat ... apparently I am fast cheap and easy.

   Lady, I hope this doesn't surprise you but I am pretty sure your boobs go inside your shirt.

   ...... POKEMON GO!!!!!!! No Seriously ....... POKEMON GO!!! The world does not need any more Pokemon!

   Still trying to figure out how they can all afford to buy guns and bullets while on Food Stamps.

   Sure I don't trust CNN or Fox News but this new website I never heard of with your radical views, I'll believe your legitimacy.

   Based on recent history of opening a Capri Sun, I don't feel like I'd be able to stab a zombie during the apocalypse.

   Why I Hate Talking: I was trapped in a conversation about the pros & cons of sea salt vs land salt.

   It's bad enough I have to worry about people when I leave my house now I have to contend with Pokemon as well.

   Nothing says come at me like high waisted jorts and sensible sneakers.

   We didn't have child safety seats when I was young. My Dad would put a couple of us in the trunk if it meant not taking two cars.

   "That guy in the salmon colored shorts is getting laid tonight." -Said no woman ever