Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Q.What do you call a dog with 2 inch legs and metal b@lls. A. Sparky

   Going to Walmart makes me appreciate the little things like pants that fit, deodorant, and dental insurance.

   Wendy's pay terminals hacked!!! First my wife finds out I was on Ashley Madison, now she'll know I bought my dates baked potatoes.

   If you visualize something you can make it happen. I'm visualizing taking a nap.

   Am I the only one that doesn't eat all day then binges 4000 calories in one sitting?

   The "Map My Run" Facebook posts are a great way to track how far you went to brag about exercise or show your exercise running from the police.

   Redneck Children Stories: The Lion, The Witch, and the Civil War Re-enactors.

   Drunk Books: Where The Wild Things Are Dancing On Tables.

   Sources say Gretchen Carlson wasn't the first Roger Ailes victim. Let's not forget anyone ever forced to watch Fox News.

   The fact that Soundgarden and Natalie Portman never combined talents and formed a mega band called Black Hole Swan makes me feel blue.

   Asks for a large coffee and this guy says, "1 Grande." Dude, this is an annexed Starbucks in the grocery store....get over yourself.

   If your name is Hollywood there is a 100% guarantee your star power is 0.

   No thanks, DailyDish. I don't want to see what the cast of Petticoat Junction looks like now. I'm guessing skeletons.

   Iron Man is now a black teenage girl?!?! Here's hoping she makes suits for her friends and family to protect them from the police.

   House of Representatives 2016: Shooting off guns -- do nothing. Shooting off emails -- hold thorough televised investigative hearings.

   Siri is turning into my mom and asking random questions like, "Do you need something? Can I help you? Are you going out wearing that?"

   90% of working in an office is trying not to be an arsonist.

   Maybe you don't have swagger, maybe it's an inner ear infection.

   The FBI interviewed the Orlando Shooter 3 times. Just an FYI to you killary supporters that think she's so great.

   I’ve been reading a book called ‘1,000 sexual positions’. I’ve reached position 176 and apparently from now on I’m going to need a woman.