Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   FBI Director James Comey: "probably hacked" .... In other news, ..... Russian universities dominate in 2016 Computer and Server Hacking Competition

   Turns out most people find History Boring ..... Which also turns out that is why they keep repeating the same mistakes over and over. (Forgive me folks ... that's an intellectual joke)

   BTW .... I need a new friend ....... The last one escaped

   My status updates are now 100% gluten free.

   There was kidnapping at our local school today. The teacher woke him up and told him not to do it again.

   I don't wanna get too political here, but I plan on voting for whichever candidate will do something about Meghan Trainor.

   Just went through the self checkout at Walmart and was named "Employee of the Month"......

   Had to get rid of my memory foam mattress. It threatened to start talking....

   What's up with all of those Bernie and Hillary for President bumper stickers on the cars at Walmart?

   Hmmmm .... A University of Pennsylvania/Stanford University study states that Only 9 -15% of people incarcerated in US prisons are Republican ..... Why do I have a feeling some folks are going to be a demand some sort of affirmative action for Prisons

   I stared at the moon for an hour before I realized it was one of my toenail clipping that had stuck to the window.

   I think God created marriage so death wouldn’t come as such a disappointment.

   Do you ever feel like you're in Season 5 of your life, and the writers are just doing outrageous stuff to keep it interesting?

   i hear "this generation never puts down their phones" a lot and i'm pretty sure it's because most of them are filming a cop shoot somebody

   Could you imagine if Hillary Clinton mentioned Benghazi in her deleted emails? Republicans heads would explode!!!

   Just ate some oatmeal and cantaloupe for breakfast incase anyone needs a walking buddy at the mall this afternoon.

   Wonder why the lawyer I hired to defend me during my public lewdness trial didn't invoke the "extemely careless" defense.

   Got fired from my job because apparently having your secretary bring you a martini while using the bathroom is frowned upon.

   Summer Checklist: Pay extra for coffee with ice in it.

   Roger Ailes' Response to Gretchen Carlson's Allegations: "Dat ass doe!"